Stonewarrior
pain, anger, friendship...
so yea its been a while since i made a post. Come to think of it, lars is like the only one doing it still XD. En so I am gonna do another one, but its not gonna be about wow srry to say that since i have not been on in 2 weeks. No no this one is gonna be about my personal life, and how going threw hell finding out that one of the ppl that is closest to u is gone.... how going threw that hell, not know what the fuck happen, all you know is that someone is gone and not coming back. You would give anything to have them back just to hang out with them again for them to make fun of u... to new ppl who do not know... I lost my older brother on halloween 2010, there is nothing u can say do or feel to understand that, i will not go into detales on how he die... only a few ppl in this guild know.. well let me rethink that the old guild group, know what happen. so for the ones that know my life has been hell for the last year and the its almost been a year since he is gone... i truly thought that i had finally got rid of the anger that i feel but i was wrong, i feel it more now than i did then. its still there and its not going away but i do very well to hide it.
when i found out i just came back from work and i saw car inside my drive way that i had no clue who it belongs to, so i went and unlock the door and saw 2 navy ppl inside my house. i went inside and saw that my mother and father where in tears idk what the hell happen but something very bad must have. i ask my dad whats going on and he asks me to sit down and i say no i am good whats going on?? He looks at me and say something bad has happen and no it was danny, it was my brother john john, he was dead... i said no ur lieing i just got done talking to him 2 days ago and he said no tommy he is gone. the pain and anger took over in seconds to the point of me dropping what i had in my hands and going over to wall and starting to punch it as hard as i could over, over, and over again. thankfully my dad stop me before i did any damage to my hands. so i sat there not only what to do, there is nothing u really can do when u have just found out that one of the important ppl in ur life is gone. only u feel is sadness and anger. Crying makes some of the pain go away but not all. after the 2 navy ppl left i went to my room and just sat there tear running down my face not know what to do or say, really i couldnt say anything i couldnt speak if i wanted to. i guess thats what they call ppl going into shock. Then I see my dad come into my room and i ask him why WHY THE FUCK WOULD MY BROTHER PUT THIS FAMILY THREW THIS PAIN?????? He look at me and said i dont know son, I just dont know. we talk for like 10 mins then i told him i was gonna get on my computer and play wow, he said find just becareful and try not to tell anyone not just yet. so i get on my computer turn on wow log on.
the first thing i do is tell someone WTF just happen, last year and still to this day i was close to 2 ppl and i still am, those ppl were ninde and icarrus. Dan ( IC) was not on at the time but he got on a few mins later, so i saw pam on and ask her to talk for a min, so she said yea whats up do u want to vent up i said no i cant speak no voice. She said ok whats up? you might not see me on for a few days i reply. she ask whats wrong is ur cold getting worse? no something very very fucked up and bad has happen, my brother is dead... Now me personally i have NO idea what the hell u are suppose to say to someone when they tell u a loved one has past on, But that was one of the hardest thing i have to do, tell my 2 great friends that my life had taken a hugh fucking turn for the worset. just hearing the i am so srry Cort, i didnt know what to say now i still dont know what to say just thats its cool not ur fault and i dealing with it.. in truth i will deal with this scar for the rest of my life. but telling her and hearing the sadness and shock in her voice didnt help what so ever just suck even more. we talk for 15min then Dan (IC) signs on, telling him was even harder because after meeting him he became and still to this day is like an older brother to me. and putting him into the shock of knowing what just happen, sucked even more. Again there is nothing u really can say just that u are so srry that ur friend has lost someone close to them. thats its and it sucks even more know that u cant do anything to help them.
the reason i am writing this is cuz i have been trying to tell the ppl who know me and know that this hell of my life that i have been put threw.. there is no way in hell i am strong ppl say i am and i want to tell them i am not strong one reason and one reason only. i would have not been able to make it threw this hell if i had not met all of my friends in PM that know. my friends call me strong to deal with this, i say no i am not, if u think i am strong then its because i have had the love and support of my friends on this game plain and simple thats it the only reason, the reason i am saying this is cuz without u guys i would not have been able to deal with this no way in hell. and i would like to thank all of u lol, there is no more i can say just thank u for being there for me when it went to hell.
with much love and thanks later all
-Cort :)
ps no again not goint to use spell check :D
by Stonewarrior on 2011-10-27 10:29:27
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